When I was cursing on my blog, I was mad at people bothering me. The cursing was mostly about someone I know persoally in my own family. It was about what was being done to me. If that was what it was, why is it such a big deal? It was constant noises and still is at times in my room, my own house, insults that I had to deal with. It's probably the overreaction for something else I did. So, it's not a person I was upset at sending me these messages, but I guess someone used it in a message, like they can just keep bringing back from my past even more. It's not been as long. I'm still upset at these noises, and when I post about what they say people just get upset more rather than just read it or have anything to say about it. I know I am reaching some people, and I've gotten tired trying to keep up with the threats. I have talked about someone who did it, who thinks I don't know. It was longer ago I cursed but don't think about people directly inparitcularly people I don't know personally. Why prolong an attitude toward me? I was watching murder cases on LMN as I slept and awoke. Maybe, they just wanted to bring it up. What right do these people think that I be bothered with noises in my room? Am I in jail in your simple opinion? Don't you know people curse? Or they used to a lot. What about all that gone on that it's better if you curse? People would threaten you if you went up and said that you don't curse much. I didn't really catch myself threatening people other than someone I know better I used sometime. I guess that's it. Well, I was upset and these people were all dramatic and not stopping. I should only be saying this to go along and say sorry. Yet, no one forgives me for a description that I didn't do. It's said that no one did anything to me and I was here just to curse for no reason attached and not that something was being done to me, constant noises in my room of bothering things and now threats and things I might recall later though not as much the later. I have a feeling you don't know why I just said that like that, but I know it makes sense. So, sorry, anyway, but I was very bemused to what I woke up to, stubborn as I was to accept it was just because I was watching about murders. I guess I should post this cuz.. I dunno why. It seems like a big thing. I wasn't there to curse at people I don't know well. I just cursed about if something happened. I didn't really wanna say who, neither. It worries me what others would think, too, about those people. I should not have done anything quite like that. I just was spastic and immediate about it, not like describing the whole situation. I was under firm belief that cursing was okay. It wasn't so nasty. I never insult anyone nor curse them. I just use it to describ how I feel. There are peak moments when I use something more bad, but it's all stuff, words people have used I've heard. Now, I just keep going and don't use certain words at all, even mediocre words. I didn't know this upset people.. I just thought people should use curse words if it's not about someone because they don't seem to mean anything but stuff like normal that a person is, for instance, annoying or mean. I have said people are mean and found they don't like it. So, I guess I'll be talking about how I feel about this sometimes. So, at a peak time, I would get more upset. The noises and messages wouldn't stop. I was already very upset cursing but not at anyone and then it'd happen again. If I ever said anything bad, I know that's the only time it was, unless it was a little bad or something funny possibly. What do you have to say about that? Isn't that being cornered? So, how bad is that? I happened to be upset but not in a rage, in a way. I guess the worst was no one talked to me about it and helped me to stop. I don't know why someone would trick you and say you can't talk about your problems. I don't even know if I started off cursing -at- someone. I have proof I can look at.. What do you think about this stuff? Everyone was so mean to me. I can only blame people for things getting out of control, and it's not funny and not cheap. I don't know why people are quite so interested in me, but I'd like to know about what others do. I guess I could pay more attention to them..
So, this is just to try to mend what is broken for who or what -ever. Maybe, this was mostly a defense. I don't know for sure, but everyone was all over it to be funny things morning I thought.. I sensed a feeling. I'm only sorry and saying what I didn't do. I'm not screaming it, but saying. I don't get saying what's not true. I don't wanna sit here and wait for people to be embarrassed they didn't wanna think anything through but just pretty much can now say what they want to someone who used to supposedly in some way be ahead.
Also, I didn't mean to be mean, so I found ways out. I even had no bad intention when some words came out. I wasn't cursing at this 1 person without thinking. I was upset at the new noises. All I can say is it's to be ignored. It would say like I dunno even that I was bad and stuff I might remember later. They still do that, just in case someone else does, too. No one helped me. I guess it doesn't matter then but still is something that isn't good.
So, sorry, too, again, whatever that is to anyone. I'm sorry you didn't bother to express your anger earlier, but I guess a contained time is a better time to talk. I'll probably be talking aout this as time goes on to say sorry of course or if something comes up that isn't true. I guess I have to be sorry for hurting someone's feelings, even if it was a pre-informed attack. I don't agree. I don't do that stuff. I know people do it mainly to me. What would I do? I probably wouldn't be as nice or happy. Like, I'd sit there and it wouldn't be nice sometimes, but then I'd see what really happened and pretty much see there are lots of people out there who aren't doing these things and justify myself that way partly. Well, okay..
So so sorry, I was so so doing a bad choice. I hope someone and anyone and everyone is okay. I guess in their own ways should be, okay if don't like me much. I'm not pointing to me being jealous.
Also, people are much meaner to me than things others have done. Nothing like that happens to sensitive people who do these things as a way of life and earlier on. I am the age where my dad is not allowed to act like that to me as far as a parent. I am old enough that they have no right to talk about me, as I stay in my room away from them mostly. I mean like discipline. They get away with annoying me all the time and get mad and say, "What secret message?" I told my therapist, and she doesn't have a solution. It can't be people are mean to me cuz my parents just so happen to be more strict that others. It's like they k***ed me, sorry to use the word. They have literally harmed me via emotional things and such. Also, this was before I started cursing, upset. I never started doing anything to anyone. This is ridiculous, I have bad relationships, constant lies.
So, sorry, to end on that note..
I cannot justify how people here and my family treat me, too. That's what I meant. Sorry if you don't like the term lie. I don't know.. I'm getting tired again, too. I need breakfast but was full last night and just now needed some water for the food.
It's most important to understand why the people who started being mean to me started. Lots of people in the world don't believe in it, like when I was up north other than my relatives I knew.
Okay, so sorry again. I'd better take a break. Not sure what will be up, next. It's just that it's going around, I guess. Have to say sorry and like why and whats. I think it's Southern Rage. You know my mom is a little insane about punishing.. my dad is just aggressive if you upset him and you're in his immediate family, unless his parents are around sometimes to me. Sometimes, he does that. No one agrees. They won't seem to talk it out. They don't wanna get tricked. He just is being a certain way thinking of what it is others do to me racially. Both are a bit wacked, sorry if you don't like that word. Wacky? Not so bad a word. I mean, they do things that aren't right. I can't concentrate at home, trying to be a movie star. I used to stay home more but had to get out for safety.. people were racist online. Things were never the same for no reason, too. Someone|Some people secret messaged me to call someone a nigger who also wanted me to supposedly.
Also, I don't care, you have no right to talk to me if you're just gonna hurt me, this person in my room. They make a tick, and it affects some part of my body, won't stop, don't care, lies. You are not being forced into this. You aren't doing it to anyone else, I am alone. You can't say that, that you have to do it.
Sorry to whoever doesn't wanna hurt me. I guess I should go now..
And then you just make fun of me for arguing that.. This person is really bad and can't take that maybe sometimes they aren't perfect and that's why people get at them, not me.
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